Bum guns rule

Your buttonhole is filthy.

During your first few visits to the throne in Asia you’ll notice a handheld shower attached to the wall. You’ll either figure it out yourself or get told what this is during a drunken discussion in your hostel. Most people are filled with horror at learning about the “bum gun” but I’m here to tell you why they’re absolutely fantastic and you should be using them!

 

Our buttonholes are filthy. Wiping with toilet paper seems perfectly natural in the western world, but it’s not actually very clean. Cultures around the world use the bum gun instead of toilet paper and it’s way more hygeinic! In a lot of countries you’ll struggle to find toilet paper at all and many bloggers advise you always keep a roll in your backpack. It’s a lot easier not carrying your own toilet paper and a lot cleaner to just embrace the bum gun! Upon returning home I missed bum guns so much I’ve decidedI need one at home! So how do you use these fantastic cleansing tools properly?

  1. Do your business as usual.
  2. Flush the toilet (in case of splash-back).
  3. Perform a “practice squirt” in the toilet or down the drain on the floor to learn the power of the gun.
  4. Lean forward a lot, or even hover-squat slightly above the toilet.
  5. Hold the bum gun pointing upwards at your taint to avoid getting your legs/clothes wet.
  6. Spray lightly and increase power accordingly.
  7. Move it around a bit and spray away all that filth!
  8. Place the bum gun back in its holster – don’t be a dick that throws it on the floor.
  9. Use a single tissue or square of toilet paper to dry yourself; nobody likes wet pants.
  10. Place the toilet paper in the bin to avoid cloggage and continue your day with a clean behind!

The first couple of times using a bum gun are weird, but you get used to it and actually look forward to using them! You’ll feel cleaner than you ever have after doing your daily business and countries that use bum guns often have weak plumming systems in place so it will help maintain their systems.

 

I can’t express how great these things are with words, I seriously urge you to try them early in your travels!